“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” ~Mohandas Gandhi

Today is a very poignant day for me. It marks the point in my life where I will now have spent more elapsed time on the Earth in mortality than our Saviour. At this point in his life he was experiencing first hand the worst humanity has to offer, and yet he remained true to his calling in atoning for the sins of all creation. He had spent the last three years performing his ministry to the Jews. He had Healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, cleansed lepers, made the lame to walk, he raised the dead, called Apostles, organized His Church to teach light and truth. Our Saviour willingly gave all of himself for us, his was an universally selfless existence. He offered the bread and water of life to all who would partake. He taught us what manner of men we are to be. “As I have loved you, love one another.”

I cannot help but think back over the past three years of my life. I dare not compare the details of my thirtieth through thirty-third years with those of the Saviour, but I think it fitting to compare some over arching themes. I have spent most of the past three years cocky and self-sure of my own destiny, the Saviour was humble praying always to the Father. I have sought my own, the Saviour offered himself completely. I placed my wants, desires, and pride above the well being of two families and countless friends, the Saviour’s humble commitment “Thy will, not mine be done.”

I finally realized I was wrong. To be honest I suppressed the part of me that was telling me I was acting in a less than appropriate manner. I became someone I didn’t want to be. I pressured others to act contrary to their own good sense as well. I felt no peace.

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I felt no peace.

The following scripture has been my companion over the past year or so. I have reflected on the words. I have pondered its meaning. I have wanted to share the epiphanies I have received. Something always held me back. Until now.

THE BOOK OF MOSIAH

CHAPTER 18

Verses 8-10

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

I know we have all read, or heard of, this scripture passage. I must admit I had never before this past year spent much time thinking about what it meant. I read and understood the words at face value. I didn’t sound them for meaning, I didn’t find a place in me to liken them. My heart was shallow stony ground and the sprouted seed of understanding quickly dried up and was lost.

This may seem scattered but I want to share a couple thoughts that came to me.

Ego. I don’t have to be a hero. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to save any one. I don’t have to be more spiritual, more in tune, more holy than anyone. Fact is I have done more harm to others in my life in my prideful and vain yearning to be perfect. I feel at home in the “fold of God.” I want to be here. I misunderstood what was asked of me. I have felt a need to take away others pain, burdens and hard ships, and when I didn’t feel perfect I would do nothing. In this I erred, I was only trying to take away other agency. The Baptismal covenant never asks or demands we take away others experiences good or bad, just that we are there with each other full of a genuine love and concern for each other. I don’t have to take away anyone’s tears, I just have to lovingly comfort them. Life is full of a myriad of experiences some joyous, some painful. Everyone has the same God given right to experience life to its fullest and make their own way. My job is to lovingly serve them, to be my brothers keeper by bearing burdens, mourning, comforting, bearing my testimony, being a righteous example. The Gospel of Matthew explains this thought far better than I in saying “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” What I was missing is found in D&C 58 “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” I need to not be such a hypocrite, I clearly have had a beam in my own eye.

The verse from Matthew speaks of light, and of letting your light shine. Light is also mentioned in the baptismal covenant, “and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;” I have always read that as a physical reference as in many hands make light work, or thanks to the Elders Quorum for moving all my stuff. And in accepting that interpretation of the word and moving on I missed a great lesson. D&C 88:11 says”And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings;” Enlightenment and understanding can be taught and learned through bearing burdens. I would offer that our lives, mortality, are just a long line of burdens (learning opportunities). We have been given the sacred privilege as members of the Fold of God of bearing each others burdens, physically lightening the load, learning how to serve, even learning how to be served. Each thought, word, and action offered in loving compassion of another brings us closer to Christ. As I was preparing this section I went to the Church’s website. They have done AMAZING things with that website. Check out the music pages! I felt lead to “A poor wayfareing man of grief.” It might still be playing if you read fast. I have included the words of the hymn below. Try and read them, searching for the meaning and depth of the words, with out crying tears of loving gratitude for our Saviour. I couldn’t.

A poor, wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not pow’r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Once, when my scanty meal was spread,
He entered; not a word he spake,
Just perishing for want of bread.
I gave him all; he blessed it, brake,
And ate, but gave me part again.
Mine was an angel’s portion then,
For while I fed with eager haste,
The crust was manna to my taste.

I spied him where a fountain burst
Clear from the rock; his strength was gone.
The heedless water mocked his thirst;
He heard it, saw it hurrying on.
I ran and raised the suff’rer up;
Thrice from the stream he drained my cup,
Dipped and returned it running o’er;
I drank and never thirsted more.

’Twas night; the floods were out; it blew
A winter hurricane aloof.
I heard his voice abroad and flew
To bid him welcome to my roof.
I warmed and clothed and cheered my guest
And laid him on my couch to rest,
Then made the earth my bed and seemed
In Eden’s garden while I dreamed.

Stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name he named,
“Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”

At times in our lives we are the healer, or the healed. Each role gives us experience if we will learn. We all covenanted to bear each others burdens. We all covenanted to mourn with each other. We all covenanted to comfort each other. We all covenanted to stand as witnesses of Christ at all times, in all places, and in all things. We all covenanted to endure to the end. We all covenanted to do it together. We all covenanted to love one another.

I will leave you with a passage from Hebrews. It is important. It sums up everything of which I have offered testimony today.

THE EPISTLE OF PAUL THE APOSTLE TO THE
HEBREWS

CHAPTER 12

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: